im writing letters and making envelopes for all you lovelies right now
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ratssss

My blog has become extremely impersonal lately.. im so sorry. i guess i get nervous at the snakes lurking around on the web. but i have been lacking on my personal journal as well and my mind is forgetful and i dont remember this summer that well. so fall ill try to be better. 


Nobody seems interesting to me lately. I try hanging around new people but they always come off too strong. i dont know if its me or them now. anyway... i have spent a lot of time alone this month. i can count the lonely days and the sad ones but i realized lonely isnt always sad. plus i got two new pet rats to help my lonely days
Olivia-she is hairless and beautiful. when i bought her there was a tiny cyst on her eye that they said would go away. but after a week or so it grew huge.. so the other night i popped the rat zit! it was true horror, green goo and blood running down her face. shes doing a lot better now and seems so to have such a happier spirit. 
Leo is a tiny baby girl rat with black and white hair. shes so sweet and friendly. the first day she came home she had a serious sneezing problem so i looked it up and turns out baby rats sneeze when they are excited. 


They are almost impossible to take pictures of- but here they are

im going out of town for a few days
see you later pretty people

one year ago today

was my first day in hawaii

The word love is not enough. i could say i love many but i mean completely different things each time i say it. the word loves means too little for what it is. it means everything and that is still not enough. it doesnt communicate even a fraction of the feelings involved. the word is not enough for what it is. 
love. love. 

almost august

im finally back in utah
i went horseback riding all weekend the energy from horses is so mysterious and healing 
im going to the dentist next week
i found a house in salt lake, ill move in august sometime
dayna is having her baby in a month
im learning to get in touch with my emotions better or at all
i met paul hes into shaman healing and energy
he convinced me to buy a book on astrology--im on chapter 3
i have been self motivating myself to be more productive and level headed. on thursday i get to gift myself! and i think ill buy something similar to one of these

IPHONE

my phone isnt working
its broken
i havent turned it on for a day or two but the last time i did it was freaking out and every letter was either a K or L.....
so sorry for ditching the tea party
and sorry for being a hermit all weekend
also im out of town

so long this weekend

Im leaving for a second. 


See you soon utah

robotmanaic

right now my chest is empty but so heavy

i feel so sad but so glad i am feeling emotion

i want it stay but i always feel numb 

I DOWNLOADED WOW AGAIN

so far i am a level 4 undead warlock. and im using the free ten day trial so im becoming hopeless since i cant send money over to this character from the others. anyway. im not going to spend my whole summer doing this. only a few hours a week. and i think i might need to share my account plus computer with sean so the time keeps disappearing. 

sunday dinner

Today sean and i cooked a dinner for his family plus grandma and grandpa ivins. we had a late start on the cooking so it all went a little weird but over all it was a good meal.
-limeade
-eggplant parmesan
-noodles
-couscous
-salad
-sliders
-squash soup
-chocolate pie


After we went on a drive up to the rodeo grounds to try and take a walk in the clouds but they were too high up so we sat in the car and just looked around. the rain was so pretty it was like we weren't in utah but somewhere else. somewhere much better. it was truly a one of the best days.

In my room

Ive decided i really love elephants

few up to dates

-I have a job 
-I have been looking at Salt lake houses
-My card expired about a week ago and i still havent gone to get a new one so im living off no money currently
-I have only slept at home twice this week
-I wonder how bean bags can feel so comfortable while sleeping in them but when you wake up you feel so horrible
-I have been hanging with the same one person
-Im missing my girl friends
-My favorite tea is passion

we had a family party

at the cemetery...and sent letters and balloons to paul!

next work is week

Since i have been home my job has been plasma.. but only five more days. five more days until the wonderful days of young life is over and i enter working life. i can say that i have not had a real job for a few years. i have stuck with house work for mother, driving around sister, writing a few articles in my bed, and giving plasma. 

The first time i gave plasma i fainted while doing so. the second time i was deferred for low red blood cells. the third time went okay. and the fourth i was placed next to a darker man who bluntly asked me if i was interested in black men. so i said 'no i am actually not' not completely true but i wasnt in the mood to make a new friend. however he kept talking to me asking me what religion i believed in. i told him none. and he said that was 'sick and wrong'... intelligent words. he never asked me what i believed but he did tell me how evolution cant be proven and nobody has ever witnessed evolution. also he didnt believe the big bang theory and thought that it was more plausible that a man named god somehow created the earth. Oddly he wasnt mormon. he believed mormonism was evil and he grew up as a muslim. i have no idea what he told me his name was but i completely love running across intelligent men like him. and the fifth-eighth times i have been deferred for low red blood cells.i really hate being deferred not because i cant donate but more because it feels like rejection and i hate that feeling. it feels like failure also because i have been taking so many vitamins and eating many many vegetables but STILL i am unhealthy. 

ALSO next week my favorite friend comes home! :)

GOODBYE MAY2010

lucky pair

I came across the best pair of black boots at the DI a few days ago. They were so perfect from a distance. they were lace up boots, not short but not high. a little faded and worn looking but still in good condition. thats about as much as i could see from where i was standing. when i went to get closer to grab and try on some girl came out of nowhere from the other side and and completely stole them...I stood there for a minute thinking maybe she would look and try on and they wouldnt fit, but she didnt even look at them really let alone try them on. she just threw them in her cart looked at me with a smile and went on her way. i was a little upset at her smile and i spent and embarrassing amount of time hunting the shelves for another good find with no luck. 


BUT today i went to visit my fathers house and sitting on the counter was a lovely pair of green oxford shoes that he decided to surprise me with. 
THANKS PAPA

uptodate

1. I moved back home to utah. its great to be at home. my one complaint is the weather is not so much spring weather and rather cold most of the time. jacket weather. 

2. I got a job! it found me though. and when i told my mother of it last night she told me no bueno... so now i guess i will start looking 

3. i have lost 7 pounds since i moved home! that equals about to be about 2 pounds a week but really probably 7 pounds in one week because for a while i was eating hemp hearts and drinking coffee every morning. then the coffee ran out and the hemp hearts got bland and i had no money to get more. but mother is home now so the kitchen will hopefully fill up again soon. ALSO she told me she was looking at treadmills! good news because she was always against them and i was always for them. 

4. Its really nice to have my own room and bed and bathroom but it gets kind of quiet around here during the days and i really miss maggie and marissa and alicia and devin at those times

5. I was so set on getting a bed a few weeks ago because its hard to see my tv with no bed so my mother, sean, and i went to ikea and got me a bed. but after 3 weeks it still sits in the box on my floor. hopefully ill get to it this week because right now all i can see is the negative on the tv.

6. I decided on the U for fall. 

7. I am on a new diet. whole foods diet, nothing processed. but its not going that well. im going to my grandmas house this weekend to grind some wheat for bread

8. I need to start exercising regularly 

tiger sleep

my blog is lacking
im really sorry blog world
i will get back in the groove later this week

i promise i swear