mind wrestling

Sometimes i think ive been cast as the robot in this drama we all call life.
hiding emotions
bottling up
disappearing
maybe i really am not capable of feeling anything
maybe its my extremely red/type a personality
or maybe it is my past teaching me to not let external factors affect me.
I have been reminded time after time of my 'anxiety' issues and each time i hear it i think i start to believe that maybe i do have a little problem. but not really. i think it is completely normal for a girl to feel crazy at times. really its not me that is crazy. it my mind and my attitude telling me that im crazy. its my wacked out mind controlling my thoughts and my actions and my reactions. maybe i am crazy after all. but if i am so is everyone else.


Im feeling a lot of things this week
stressed
unattractive
distracted
mind blank
deranged
unhealthy
confused
overwhelmed
distraught
bothered
maybe more, but thats all my mind can conjure up right now

On a happier note, school ends in FOUR weeks! only four more weeks. and i can do it!

Fall back, in these coming four weeks i have exactly 47 pages of writing due. 

This includes all my writing assignments for the rest of the semester in all my classes.

Im thinking about somehow relating them all together and just writing a short novel. JOKE

Lesson learned: NEVER take four history hours in one semester, no matter how smart you think you are!

Also im going to have to cut back on work. luckily i dont have an office job and many many things count as work hours. 
I am living the college life. TOTALLY. 
on yeah.. i have not worn a bra or underwear in the past two weeks. are they dirty? or am i just lazy? a little of both

*UPDATE**
1. I officially fit into a 34B bra (i can still wear my 32A bras luckily)
2. My size 27 pants are all almost too small now (hence im getting FAT) and i hardly have any size 28 (luckily the scale told me i have lost a few more of this hawaiian freshman weight)
3.Marissa and I adopted a cat, Lewis. then he left. (more on him in a later post)
4. I ran a 7.30 minute mile last night
5. I cut carbs out of my diet for the month its going well so far! (its only been a day)
6. My hair is forever changing, im a blonde now. but i have been braiding marissas hair every night and i have been missing long hair so much
7. I applied to college, now im waiting and going insane while doing so
8. I miss bella, i miss home. (mother got tickets for the stadium of fire AGAIN. we go every year and im excited to hang out with her. *confession* i have been youtubing carrie underwood music videos all week hoping to become a fan...still hoping)
9. DAYNA made a blog and i LURVVV it.
10. MORGAN made a blog as well, for some reason i cant look at it though...
11. im almost finished applying for some humanitarian projects, hopefully ill finish this week.
12. im going to get around to organizing the blog group, SOON